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Sunday, September 19, 2010

Day 24 & 25-We Venture Out

So, Steve is well on his way to achieving his goal of 10 marathons by 10-10-10. The 10-10 Marathon is the Chicago and he has 1 more next weekend. We booked a hotel for this weekend, so we could go as a family, because it is a smaller marathon and easier to see him on the route. We want to try to encourage the kids to challenge themselves and do things like- run a marathon- so we feel it is important for them to see us doing those kinds if things.

Since Ella's blood counts were good, we decide to still go- and we brought Jesania with us. If you do not know Jesania, she is my Little Sister. We have been in Big Brothers big Sisters together form almost 7 years now. She is a part of our family in so many ways, and she is a wonderful girl. I can't tell you how much love came out of her this weekend. She completely stepped in and helped out with Ella. She sat in the back seat with her on the trip, fed her, made sure she was drinking water, and even let her sleep on her shoulder. She never once complained that she had "Ella duty", and trust me- it is no small thing!
The drugs/chemo really did her in this weekend. Her poor belly is so very extended, everything hurts to touch, and her muscles in her legs have become so sore she can barely walk. They told us this would happen, but I still feel like it caught me off guard.

Staying at a hotel was its own new set of obstacles. I had to check in, and then re-clean the entire room, change the sheets, blankets and pillow cases to get things set up to take care of Ella. They had us in the wrong room, without a fridge or microwave. When you are bringing your own food to make sure you child is eating everything you want them to, then these 2 items are very necessary. Steve kept everyone till the room was ready. Josh and Jesania were able to go swimming for most of the night and part of the next day- so Josh had a blast. Swimming is his very favorite thing right now. Turns out this hotel stay was not so much fun for Ella, because she couldn't really leave the room and she felt so miserable. She just kept asking to go home. I felt terrible that we were there, but at the same time, I was happy Josh was having so much fun playing with Jesania. I feel like I can't win. Cancer Sucks.

She was so very tired when we did get home. The drugs also make her "moody" and moody combined with a raging hunger and an achy body- you get one cranky 4 year old! So we fed her, got her in a bath, and got her to bed when we got home. she said her prayers and drifted off to sleep asking for food....

I can't wait until this first 28 day period (Induction) is over! She will be off the steroids and at least look a little more like my child. It is so sad to me that she doesn't look like my baby anymore. I feel like her face is hiding behind this swollen mask that the cancer has put over her face. Her eyes aren't even as bright as they use to be. It is different that having your child grow up slowly. This may sound vain, but it is not meant to. I also hate that it has left her body with scares. 2 on her chest that seem like they will never heal. Her beautiful smooth skin now has these little bloody lines on it.
All the way up to Wisconsin, I kept checking the rear view mirror to see if she was doing okay, and I just kept staring at her -because she does look so different to me. It really catches me off guard. Steve saw me crying a few times on the ride. I just shook my head and said "It's Not Fair", and he would hand me a tissue.

Cancer Sucks.


  1. I'm so sorry about Ella's multiple ouchies, and we're sending lots of prayers for you guys...

  2. You don't know me, but I am Alli Lazzaro's Aunt (her dad's sister). I am a cancer survivor and my mother had Leukemia so I understand a little about what you are going through. However, I have not had to face it for my child. I agree, Cancer sucks. I am praying for your family. I hope you feel God holding you close. I pray that Ella will stay strong through this journey. May God bless you!!
    Tracy Matheson