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Wednesday, March 18, 2015

1st post Chemo Hair Cut

Here are the before shots

Hair.  I have asked so many times why it is important.  It shouldn't be right? It's just an outward physical thing. Why does it become such a part of our identity?  Why do we, as girls, put so much of who we are and how we feel into what our hair looks like?  I mean it can set the whole tone of your day.  Good hair day? Good day!  Bad hair day...well you get the picture.

Ella got her 1st haircut post chemo yesterday. Technically, this is only her 2nd haircut ever- unless you could the time Josh cut her hair. It was a long day.  We went to visit a new hospital in the morning.  Her doctors moved to a new hospital last month, so we went for a visit to see if it makes sense for us to move with them.  We had a nice lunch together and then did some shopping.  Every little girl who skips school has this day right? Shopping, lunch and the salon with her mom?

We have been trying to get her to agree to a haircut for about a year.  Nothing drastic, but the ends were crunchy, dry and in need of a cut.  The only problem was that the ends were all curly.  She lost her hair twice from chemo and it came back super curly.  But, the longer her hair got, the curls began to disappear. She HATED those curls when they first came in.  She would ask me to straighten it and kept saying that she didn't like it.  Then, when she was done with chemo, she liked the curls.  She gets compliments from people all the time on how beautiful her hair is.  I think she bonded a little with the curls.  They were the last obvious outward thing she had left from treatment(that anyone can see).

SO we got her hair cut.  The stylist finished cutting her hair wet and she wanted to dry it before she finished the cut.  Ella was silent the entire time.  No smiles, She wouldn't even look at me in the mirror as I hovered over the stylists shoulder.  As soon as the blow dryer went off, Ella looked at me and broke down in tears.

It too her a good 5 minutes to settle down.  The stylist walked away to give us some time.  She didn't want to tell me why she was crying.  The stylist came back and suggested a little nail polish break. She very kindly and patiently painted Ella's nails purple.  Then she finished up her hair and we went for ice cream.  She still hasn't said whether she likes her new cut.  Really- you can't tell except her curls are gone.
Ella post haircut.
I just felt helpless.  I almost wish she would just yell and scream and tell me how much it sucked to have cancer, but she says she doesn't really remember much.  I wish she could verbalize how she feels about this whole cancer thing, but she doesn't.  I always just saw it as her trusting us to do what was best, but maybe she just didn't know how to say how she really felt. She might not remember, but I think her body and mind have that information stored away for reference. God, I just love her and I don't want her to hurt for any reason at all! Haircuts are suppose to be fun.

Ella has decided to move to the new hospital to be with her doctors.  I'm a little surprised because she likes routine- but she must love them more:-) They are pretty awesome, so I can't blame her. In my eyes they are the best, because they helped saved my little girls life.

Otherwise, Ella is doing well.  She was on a heart rate monitor for three weeks this Christmas to monitor a heart rate issue, but the tests came back inconclusive.  Since her EKG and Cardio Echo came back good, we are just monitoring her now.  She had her 1st cheer competition last weekend and LOVES horseback riding.  She is so brave with these horses that just tower over her.  She has no fear.



  1. Kate--You are an amazing mom and Ella is an amazing daughter. Sometimes we feel a need to hear, more than the other person feels a need to speak. What's important is the here and now. The tears go away, but the love always remains...even when the curls are no longer there. Best wishes to your family as you continue to move forward in your lives. 😘

  2. I can't explain it to you fully, it doesn't surprise me that Ella can't. Losing your hair tells the world that you are sick. Not only that, but very sick. Cancer consumes you, your identity, the part of you that everyone sees. Then when your hair is back, it's like the first flowers of spring after a bad winter. You get attached to it. It took me almost 3 years to get a haircut.

    Ella looks so healthy and happy. Glad it's finally spring for her.