Ella is moody today. She hasn’t been eating much and she is down to 39 lbs. I made her 3 different things for lunch today and all of them tasted bad or needed a side dish that we didn’t have in the house. I even tried purple pancakes and that didn’t work- because we didn’t have any sausage. So she melted down, the dog started barking, and Josh chimed in with a “Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom”……I’m sure you all know how it goes. I told everyone- including the dog that I needed a time out so no one could talk to me for 5 minutes. At least that made Ella laugh.
We had a blood drive at church today and it was packed. Thank you to everyone that donated. I attempted to donate but, my blood pressure was too high. This made me feel like crap. So many people were there donating, and some because Steve and I asked- and I couldn’t. I totally felt like I failed Ella. My brain knows that I didn’t- but my heart feels like I let her down. I don’t like failing at anything- even if it is just giving blood. Another lesson for me on giving up control. I love the chorus in one of the songs for today “If you lead me Lord I will follow, where you lead me Lord I will go.” Invictacion Fountain by Violet Burning. Good tune if you don’t know it.
I love worship at church. When we first started going, I didn’t know many of the songs, or people, so worship felt awkward. I am one of those who secretly wanted to wave her hands in the air and sing at the top of her lungs and yell “Amen!”. So basically- I can’t get over myself and what everyone around me might think- which sucks. But I love the music, and usually to the dismay of the people around me- I do sing at the top of my lungs now. But, it is more than the singing that I like. It’s the interactions of your family during that time. There is the family that you are connected to by blood or marriage, your friends who have become part of your family, and your church family. During the first few minutes before and during worship- I like to watch my church family. I love how everyone hugs each other- stops to say hello and I really love when we greet everyone in the morning. Something about smiling at someone that you may or may not know and making them feel welcome- like they are family, just makes my day.
Happy Halloween. I hope your kiddos have fun today.