Day 83-Clinic

Ella had clinic today. Her ANC was way up so she was able to get both Chemo's today. They decided to lower the dosage of the one her body doesn't handle well, and leave her at that dosage for the remainder of this phase. I'm so torn because I want to make sure she never has to go through this again, and at the same time I don't want her to have to go through it now.
It was so hard for me not to go with her today. I know I had nothing to worry about, but I like to be in control, and when I'm not there i feel like I have even less control of this situation- if that is even possible! Ella did really well according to her clinic crew (Daddy, Grandpa, and Grandma). We always have people with us at clinic. No special reason- just for support, and that's kinda cool.

Ella after Clinic today. You can see the band-aid on her port.

Right now she is wearing a Strawberry Shortcake costume and she is curled up on the couch with all her blankies and watching a Barbie movie with Grandma. Right now, to her, her world is perfect.

I am glad Josh will have the week off from school next week. I think he needs some time to decompress. He seemed like he had fun when I brought lunch in today, but he asked me for 2 hugs and I thought he was going to cry when I left. It completely broke my heart. I almost brought him home with me, but I know that would not solve whatever the problem was. I just want him to be happy at school. Last year I can not remember a day when I picked him up that he wasn't completely happy. Now, most days he is sad, silent, or both. It's frustrating. I wish I could be a fly on the wall in his class some days. Maybe I can? I'll put a listening device in his backpack, and a microphone in the top of his pen. That way I can be with him every minute and know what was going on! Perfect! Okay...... I'll back off of the crazy overprotective mommy thoughts and just try talking to him again.

Blessings~Katie