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Thursday, October 28, 2010

Day 62-Clinic

Taken with my cell phone- so it's not great....
Today Ella did great. The nurses and Doc even commented that they have never heard her talk as much as they did today. She did fine until she had to get her flu shot at the end. They tried to sneak up on her- which was hard considering they had to do it in her thigh, and she got mad! She just started squirming and yelling "Mama". I felt terrible. Her reward though was getting to go to Build A Bear with her Aunt Carrie after treatment. I think we will need to build a new closet for bear clothes soon! She was sore tonight, but feel asleep as soon as we put her to bed. She took her anti-nausea medication, so now we cross our fingers and hope tomorrow goes well.

I had to have a talk with myself today about fear. Reminding myself that even though I am afraid of what is going to happen, that I can not let it zap all my happiness and energy for the next few months. I internalize my stress too- so, that would not be good for me. It would also make it harder on Ella and my family. So when I was at the grocery store at 9:30 tonight wondering why I felt like a zombie....I realize my fear today sucked all the energy out of my body. The irony of it is that I have always tried to make sure that fear does not get in the way of my happiness. Lucky for me skydiving wouldn't make me happy, but if I am faced with something I am trying to make a decision on I always TRY to take fear out of the equation. So, I am going to try harder not to let fear be in charge of my days, weeks and months.

 I am an emotional woman. Talking about my feelings is 2nd nature to me. Someone commented to me that I should keep some things more personal, and I told them I have nothing to hide. If I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, how will anyone know where my heart lies?

Nighty Night.


  1. P.S. Thank you to everyone who signed up for the blood drive! All the spots are full!!!!! If you missed this one, please donate at your local center.

  2. Nothing wrong with skydiving too right?

    I still read each of these. Even if I cant be with Ella and you physically. My heart is right there.

  3. I recently learned of Ellas cancer through Ms. Beth.I often See Ella while putting Morgan and Josh in the car! Today, I was there while Ms. Beth handed Ella a gift! Ella looked beautiful with her orange wings and striped tights! My sister was diagnosed with Leukemia at the age of 4 and is now a happy, healthy 22 year old! I know that it's a taxing time on the family, but as the older sister, I became so strong! I know that Josh will continue to become strong and show his love for his little sister! Ella is a fighter and it's evident as I read through your blog! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you journey through this time in your lives! Life will have it's ups and down, but if you never fall down, there is no reason for anyone to pick you up! Sometimes that pick me up is very needed! Hugs, Sincerely, Mrs. Kuzynowski