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Sunday, January 16, 2011

Day 140 & 141- Loss

This morning when Ella woke up the hair from the side of her head where she was sleeping, was gone. Just gone. Little hairs littered her pillow as a reminder of how many times she tossed and turned during the night.  The back of her jammies, also covered in hair. I tried to get as much of it off of her as I could, because she was bothered that it kept getting in her mouth and eyes. She doesn't want to cut it. I think she doesn't quite understand because she thinks if we cut it now, it will keep it from getting long. All she wants is long hair.

This morning
She spent the day on the couch again. She fell asleep around 10:30 this morning in her bed for a nap. When she woke up, another pile of little hairs. We spent the afternoon reading the Rainbow Magic series, on the couch. Then around 3:30 she HAD to have a McDonalds cheeseburger, so I ran out to satisfy her craving.  She hasn't been as hungry this round of steroids. But, when she wants something, she WANTS it! I'm glad she is done with the Portillo's phase, because there is not one close to our house!
After nap
I don't know why the hair thing is so hard for me. There is just no way to not look cancer in the face ever second when the face smiling back at you looks so different because of it. It is a constant reminder that this thing is trying to take over my daughters body and I am nothing more than a mere bystander. I hate it.

Ella has clinic tomorrow, but it is only to check her counts. No chemo until next Monday. Next Monday will start the 2nd half of this part of treatment. I sooooo can't wait for this next part to be over, but I can't wait for the whole thing to be over.
Look at that beautiful smile.


  1. That is one beautiful smile on one beautiful little girl!!

  2. She has a gorgeous smile! This just brought back memories for me... Mimi lost her hair almost a year ago and I was a mess, but we had a whole family hair shaving celebration and now a year later her hair is "bugging" her ;)