We had great plans for today. Grandma and I took Ella to Woodfield Mall first thing this morning to go to Build a Bear and celebrate completing the first round of treatment. She complained a little bit first thing this morning that her tummy hurt, but that is pretty typical.
We got in the car by 9.30am to be the first in line at B.A.B. Ella actually smiled, which hasn't happened very often in the past month. Jan and I happily watched her pick out a puppy and several outfits. She named her puppy Vanilla Ice Cream and we all made a wish to put into the puppy. The woman at B.A.B. that was filling the puppy, just looked at Ella and knew she was sick. She asked me what was wrong, we told her she had cancer. It still hurts a little to say it out loud. She said that she thought it might be, and she was really sweet to Ella. This month at B.A.B is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month, Jan and I both donated today.
Then we shopped a little and bought a few hats for Ella, and yes, one was purple. For the first time today, she picked out and wore a hat. Then, she started saying her belly really hurt, and Jan and I got her back to the car just in time to throw up. All the way home, she screamed- and I mean SCREAMED that her belly hurt, and she threw up again. As soon as we got her to home she wanted to go to sleep. She slept from around noon to 7pm tonight, then went back to sleep at 9pm. The whole time she was asleep, she had to have one hand on me. If I left, she would soon wake up and yell at me to get back over by her.
She didn't wake up to eat, or even ask to eat. Her hair was all over the pillow she was sleeping on when we moved her to her bed tonight.
Today was a vivid reminder that we have no control. All we wanted was a fun day for Ella- just to see a glimmer of the happy girl she was a month ago, and Cancer wouldn't let us do that. She never even got to snuggle with her new puppy or play with the new clothes.
Cancer Sucks.
Have a good weekend everyone. Katie
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