Hi All. Ella had a hard time doing homework today. Her hands were really shaky this morning, but better in the afternoon. We skipped written school work for educational web sites. She seemed happy enough with that. She tried climbing the stairs at home and was crying that it was too hard. She hit a wall around 1 and I laid her down to rest. When we went to pick up Josh and Morgan from school, she didn't even talk to Morgan. I am worried that she is getting more withdrawn. She stayed cranky for the rest of the night until daddy got home and she could play a princess puzzle game on his phone. I think I am going to get a new phone just so she can play with it.
Today, was to hard for me. Ella got up 3 times last night, so I didn't get much sleep. I lost it around 3 today. Spilled a glass of water, and that was my final straw. I just started sobbing. Ella asked me why I was crying. What I wanted to say was "Because you have Cancer and it has taken over your body- and I hate it!" But, I just told her that sometimes mommies feel sad and we cry- then we feel a little better. In my case, it also meant a piece of Bakers Square Peanut Butter Cup Pie and a Mocha from Starbucks.
People ask me how I am doing, and I don't really know how to answer. Today, I just wanted to run away. I'm sure Ella did too.
Clinic again on Thursday morning. This means the possible end of Steroids...PLEASE! But, it also means chemo, bone marrow aspirate, and a spinal tap. Chemo- kills more cells, Bone marrow- to see what her exact count is, and Spinal to inject more chemo into her spinal and cerebral fluids. I am really hoping her counts are good and she does not need a blood transfusion on top of everything else. If you have ever given blood- Thank you. Your blood might have helped Ella twice already. West Ridgers.....next blood drive at WRCC, please consider signing up. You really are saving a life, and it doesn't cost a thing!
The next step of her treatment is called Consolidation. She will be on Chemo (2) and an immuno-suppressive drug. And yep, this one causes hair loss too. Her hair is starting to thin, but they said it comes out in chunks when it is time. I was stroking her head last night and there were so many little hairs on her back.
She went to sleep early tonight- already asking for Noodles and Company as a special treat tomorrow. All her thoughts are of food these days, but I know when she changes drugs that too will change. please pray that Thursday will go well at clinic and her counts will be good, and she will not need blood.
These are from a shoot I did with her and Josh in 2008. They are some of my favorites, but don't worry...I have tons of favorites :-)
Blessings and Love,