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Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Tuesday April 3rd- Clinic

Today Ella had Clinic.
She was happy that her favorite Doc was back and she knew she would be getting an Easter Basket today.  Today Josh came to clinic with us.  I think as more time passes, and I let him know that Ella won't be going to school because she has chemo, that he thinks she is off having fun and going to Build A Bear, and not so much the getting chemo part.  So, this time he asked if he could come.  He was actually really good about being there for her, he colored princess pages with her and snuggled with her in her chemo chair.  He also asked Carrie a lot of questions and hid his eyes when it was time for her port to be accessed.  I think she wanted him to see how brave she is because she barely flinched and didn't cry at all when they inserted the needle.  She was very brave.  Her counts were good, but her temperature was a bit elevated at 99.3. You wouldn't know that now because she is outside as I am typing yelling "lala, lalala" over and over again while running around the yard.

At clinic they had a few "No More Chemo" posters out that the nurses and Doc's were signing in preparation for some kids going off chemo.  It made me happy for the kids, but also because we are getting close to the end of this journey.  I think I feel happy, but also pretty nervous.  I don't know that I will ever feel like she is "safe" from it. I wonder what our new "normal" will be like and how we will all handle it.  I kept her home from school on Monday because she was shaking and said she felt to "Wobbly" to walk.  But, after 2 hours she was fine. I don't know if I will ever be able to look at a bruise or feel her head and not have my mind go to cancer, and honestly- that sucks. I know I should give up that fear to God, and let him worry about such things, but it is really hard to do.

Ella is already counting down the days till her birthday.  She is requesting a Barbie Fashion Show Birthday with nails, makeup and hair.  I am so excited to celebrate with her.


1 comment:

  1. How exciting you are approaching an end to this insanity but I already relate to your feelings of "what if" when this is all done. Will that fear ever subside???? Maddox also wants to go with K to clinic BUT he's too crazy. He also thinks that a clinic day is filled with BAB's and shopping....little does he know. Ella is lucky to have such a wonderful big brother. It's been hard on him too and he's a trooper. Sending much love and strength your way!

    Edan and Kennedy