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Saturday, November 20, 2010

Day 85- Monsters

I HATE the Green Eyed Monster. For me, my eyes are never greener than when I am in a room full of other women. It's one of the only times I care what I am going to look like, how much I weigh, or if I am having a good hair day. The thing is, I am not looking at the other women and judging them. I am usually just comparing their greatness to my not-so-greatness. Why do we compare ourselves to others? Why are we not happy with being who we are? Well, today I got to see my monster at its best.

Today, I ran into someone from high school. She completely caught me off guard. I think the last time I saw her was over 20 yrs. ago. A few months ago we found each other on facebook, befriended each other and left it at that. Today I took a spin class, only my second since Ella has gotten sick, so I am still getting back into my groove (yep, Katie lost her groove). This old friend was on a bike behind me and recognized me. She said hi, but I was so taken off guard that I wasn't sure what to say. I though about why I didn't say much and as soon as the class was over apologized to her for being "caught off guard".  Then as we chatted and caught up I realized I had this "Need" to let her know that I had done well in my life. I asked her about her career, but then felt this urge to make sure she knew that I had a career too. Let's just say, I'm not very proud about the rest of this conversation. I'm pretty sure I insulted her at one point without meaning to. But, as always, after reflection I realized my Monster probably had more control over the conversation than I did. I'm sure she probably didn't give me a second thought today, but I couldn't help but think about our conversation and why I felt like a 16 year old girl again.

My friend Koni and I in High School. Gotta love a good Perm!
MOST of the rest of my adult life- I have acted like an adult and left high school pretty far behind me. But, for some reason when I see or hear from someone that I went to high school with that I haven't kept in touch with I usually end up feeling like my awkward teenage self.  My 20yr. reunion was this year and I didn't go because I was at RAGBRAI, but honestly I was kinda relieved that I couldn't make it. I think I knew I would feel like I needed to prove something to everyone there, or my Monster would, and I didn't want to do that. Does anyone really care anyway? Really, I hope that everyone is happy and healthy in their life. I don't really care so much about what they do, but if they are happy doing it. And she looked pretty dang happy to me(and she looked great).

So, Monster be damned, I will continue to fight him when he pops up.  Sometimes I will fail, sometime I will succeed. But really, I just need to be happy that I am happy with my life, and be happy with the way God made me.

Steve did this quick video of Ella.  Thought you might enjoy it

P.S. Ella is doing well today and looking forward to Josh's party tomorrow!


  1. Katie, we all have the very same issues, even the old high school friend you ran into! You are a beautiful young woman, an awesome Mom, an accomplished photographer, event planner, life partner, friend and role model. You kick that green eyed monster to the curb next time she pokes her head up!! I admire you and love you!!!!

  2. If it helps, Katie, I always hoped to be a little more like you. :)