Day 85- Monsters

I HATE the Green Eyed Monster. For me, my eyes are never greener than when I am in a room full of other women. It's one of the only times I care what I am going to look like, how much I weigh, or if I am having a good hair day. The thing is, I am not looking at the other women and judging them. I am usually just comparing their greatness to my not-so-greatness. Why do we compare ourselves to others? Why are we not happy with being who we are? Well, today I got to see my monster at its best.

Today, I ran into someone from high school. She completely caught me off guard. I think the last time I saw her was over 20 yrs. ago. A few months ago we found each other on facebook, befriended each other and left it at that. Today I took a spin class, only my second since Ella has gotten sick, so I am still getting back into my groove (yep, Katie lost her groove). This old friend was on a bike behind me and recognized me. She said hi, but I was so taken off guard that I wasn't sure what to say. I though about why I didn't say much and as soon as the class was over apologized to her for being "caught off guard".  Then as we chatted and caught up I realized I had this "Need" to let her know that I had done well in my life. I asked her about her career, but then felt this urge to make sure she knew that I had a career too. Let's just say, I'm not very proud about the rest of this conversation. I'm pretty sure I insulted her at one point without meaning to. But, as always, after reflection I realized my Monster probably had more control over the conversation than I did. I'm sure she probably didn't give me a second thought today, but I couldn't help but think about our conversation and why I felt like a 16 year old girl again.

My friend Koni and I in High School. Gotta love a good Perm!

MOST of the rest of my adult life- I have acted like an adult and left high school pretty far behind me. But, for some reason when I see or hear from someone that I went to high school with that I haven't kept in touch with I usually end up feeling like my awkward teenage self.  My 20yr. reunion was this year and I didn't go because I was at RAGBRAI, but honestly I was kinda relieved that I couldn't make it. I think I knew I would feel like I needed to prove something to everyone there, or my Monster would, and I didn't want to do that. Does anyone really care anyway? Really, I hope that everyone is happy and healthy in their life. I don't really care so much about what they do, but if they are happy doing it. And she looked pretty dang happy to me(and she looked great).

So, Monster be damned, I will continue to fight him when he pops up.  Sometimes I will fail, sometime I will succeed. But really, I just need to be happy that I am happy with my life, and be happy with the way God made me.

Steve did this quick video of Ella.  Thought you might enjoy it



Blessings~Katie
P.S. Ella is doing well today and looking forward to Josh's party tomorrow!