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Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Day 68- I'm okay until someone asks me if I'm okay

Beautiful Rainbow from this morning.
Ella is at rock star status. She is moody, but she is a girl, otherwise she is doing great. We got to go to lunch with a dear friend today and we played and worked on schoolwork together- yep, just another boring day. We are so lucky!

Everyone asks if I'm okay. As long as they only ask once, I'm fine. But, if they ask twice and say "No, are you OKAY?" then, I'm not okay anymore. For a split second I actually thing about what our family is going through and I have to choke back the tears. I guess I'm as okay as I am going to be. I have started pretending a little that nothing is wrong with Ella. That she is just a normal 4 year old girl, who happens to have Cancer. This pretending in my head helps me make it through the day. I'm fine until something slaps me in the face- like the 2 inch scar across her chest where her port was inserted. I kiss it every time I get her dressed for the day. Today, it was the waitress at Applebees. She informed us as we were leaving that they are supporting the Make A Wish Foundation and she told us about a little girl with ALL that wants to go to Disney. I think we both welled up with tears a little. Today this was my little slap of reality.

I believe there is something worth its wait in gold at the end of that Rainbow, and its a beautiful promise.


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