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Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Day 137

This is not my happy girl.
Ella had another rough day today. She was just so tired and moody. One minute she would be crying because she was hungry, but couldn't tell you what she wanted to eat. Then she wouldn't be hungry anymore.  She took a nap against her will this afternoon, then asked to go to bed again this evening. This is not my happy girl. This is not my four year old who loves to sing and dance and shake her booty. This, is not fair.

I'm working on grieving and letting go. See, I had big plans for this past fall. My two beautiful children were going to be in school full time and I was going to have the days to myself. I had goals, I had plans, I had things to accomplish! Now I am working on understanding that my full time job is not just being Steve's wife and mom to Ella and Joshua, but also Ella's caretaker. This was not part of my great and grand plan for this school year, but I am learning to accept it...okay, just trying to accept it.  If you know me, you know I'm a  I'm a "doer" and not being able to do much besides cancer is killing my mojo!

If your interested in doing Relay for Life this August and joining the "CancerButtKickers" Team, let me know! We are walking in honor of Ella and my friend Carrie.


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