Self Control with a side of Oreo

I had the opportunity to be a guest blogger this week. Take a peek if you have the chance!



Blessings~Katie



Self Control with a side of Oreo

Independence Day-Mental Camera

I love photography.  I love taking pictures that mean something when you look at them.  They tell a story or inspire a feeling.  Some things I just can't get a picture of that expresses how I feel.  These are the times I wish my Mental Camera was as good as my Cannon 5D.

Last night, I sat with friends and family to watched the fireworks.  Okay- I did not watch much of the fireworks.  I was taking the time to sneak peak at each of my friends and my family.  I admired how my husband was called over to "snuggle" with Ella and Avery on the blankies.  Josh was wrapped up mummy style in a blanket on a chair next to me.  Friends sitting by their spouses, admiring the show. Kids, way bigger than they were a few short years ago, now sitting in their own chairs, too old for the blankets, and watching the beautiful display. My mental camera was taking a million shots. Admiring how we have all grown and changed over the years and how we have supported each other. Remembering how they held my hand at church the weekend after I found out Ella had cancer, supported each other through deaths, births, loss of jobs, gain of jobs and laughter.  Lots of laughter.

Best I could do !

My mental camera is cool, because there are emotional attached to those images. Most people would look at this image and think of a bunch of people watching fireworks.  I just see love.

Happy 4th of July!!!

Blessings~Katie

Father's Day

Father's Day and Mother's day are never easy days for me.  Yes, I do try to focus on my beautiful babies and my wonderful husband and I thank God for them.  They make those days more about the Mother and Wife they helped me to be, than the Mother and Fathers I came from.  But, at some point in the day, my parents always creep into my head, and the "little Katie" inside of me longs for just a small glimpse of a Normal Rockwell type of childhood I wish I had.  My grandma collected these plates and I loved to stare at them when I visited her in Reno and dream about the ideal family. I know I am not alone in this.  So many of us have a story to tell about how we grew up, and for some of us, hell most of us, it doesn't look anything like Norman Rockwell paints it.

So to recap- shitty parents, I fell far from the tree, love my husband and kids and family I married into.  My "real" dad I didn't meet until I was in my 30's.  My first step dad beat my mom.  My second step dad is the one I knew as dad for most my life, but he drank too much and he and my mom were always fighting. They divorced in my 20's and he disconnected from me and his kids a long time ago. The pain caused by both my parents runs deep in the three of us. 

This weekend, I find out he has cancer.  He doesn't call any of his kids, because he has no relationship with any of us and he is all alone.

Ok, honestly, part of me thought for a brief moment "Well, that's what he gets.  He put no effort into having a relationship with his kids and now he will die alone.", but that's not what I believe.  I believe that judgement of this man is not mine to give- It's Gods. I was able to forgive my "real" father enough to walk with him through his cancer treatment, so I feel like I am called to do the same for the man that at least attempted to be a father to me- even if he did a shitty job.

I went to the hospital today,  I helped my brother navigate through the day and the hospital (I'm kinda familiar with Loyola). I did not recognize my dad.  He is down to 123 lbs. He didn't say much to me, I didn't really expect him to. When they came in to give him the pre-op information, they told him he might not be able to talk again.  I told him if he had anything to say, he should say it now.  I was hoping in my heart he would try to make some amends with my brother- he just shrugged his shoulders and went back to watching TV.  They wheeled him down the hall and we walked behind the gurney.  He sat up and stopped them.  He called my brother and I over and thanked us for being there. We gently hugged him and he was gone. The cancer has spread though his throat, larynx, tongue and spine.  We will find out tomorrow what the next course of action is.

Forgiveness isn't easy. It is sooooo hard to forgive someone who never asks for it.  All I can do is what I am called to do by God.  Forgive like I have been forgiven.  No one said being a Christian would be easy.

Thank you Steve and Gerry for being such loving examples of what a Father really is.  Happy Father's Day.

Blessings~Katie

Guest Blogger

Hi all! I had the opportunity to be a guest blogger at my church this week.:-)
Just have to say, I love my church peeps! They have stood by me and my family for the past 10 years, and prayed for us when I didn't have the strength to. Thank you all- I love you!!!!!
West Ridge Community Church- Elgin, IL

Ella is doing well!  Tomorrow is her last day of 4th grade.  Today when I picked her up from school she had her arms wrapped around 3 other girls and they were all crying because one of them would not be back next year. They have been together for 5 years and they have grown such a beautiful friendship! They are a blessing to each other for sure!

Looking forward to a fun summer with my kiddos.

Blessings~Katie

My Advice to New Cancer Moms

Ella is a survivor.  I am still learning that this is the new reality.  Last week we went to a survivorship meeting and reviewed all the drugs, possible complications and late onset side effects that can happen.  So far she has not shown any learning delays, and if I may brag for a minute she is in an advanced math class and working 2 grade levels ahead.  She is also reading at the junior high level- stick that in your pipe and suck on it cancer!  The only issues she has had are yellowing of the teeth and stomach pain that cannot be explained.  We are working on her diet to help with stomach issues and she can whiten her teeth when she gets older.  For now she is just excited to be getting braces. 

So, as the mom of a child who is a cancer survivor I keep thinking, what advice can I give parents who are starting this journey? 

  1.     I know it is a cliché, but this too will pass. I know it doesn’t feel like it when you’re in it, but time will pass and life will go on. The hard part is not thinking about the “what if’s” and just enjoying each day for what it is.

  2.      I’ve said this before, but find God. Seek him to walk this path with you.

  3.    Enjoy each day. Worry about tomorrow- tomorrow. Nobody wants to hear this, I know, but if you waste this perfectly good day worrying about what might happen tomorrow, then you have wasted a day with the ones you love. Don’t do this. This day is a gift of their presence. Soak it in.

  4.    Enjoy each day. It is important enough for me to say twice.

  5.     Make time for you. You may be a mom, dad, or caretaker, but you are also- you. Take time to take care of you when you can, and DO NOT feel guilt about it.  One of my favorite examples of this is the air mask.  When you are on a plane, they instruct you to put your air mask on first, and then assist the people next to you.  Why? Because you cannot help them if your incapacitated.

  6.    Get help when you need it. Don’t be stubborn ass; ask your friends and family for assistance when you need it. They are your friends and family- that’s why they are there- to help. Now, some won’t and you will lose friends, but new ones will come. If you need to talk to a professional- go do it. Who cares what anyone else thinks. Do it for your loved ones so you can be there for them!

  7.    Take the time to morn your losses. I don’t mean death; I mean the life you thought you or your child would have. Dreams you created for them, plans you made for your family, and friends that can’t support you. Loss is more than death. Loss is losing what you thought you had. It’s okay to take time to be sad about all your losses.

  8.   Go on a date.  Go with your spouse, significant other, parents or friends.  Just get out of the house and do non-cancer related stuff! This falls under taking care of yourself, but also the ones that are there to support you.

  9.   Appreciate life. We do not know how long we are here for. Don’t just idly let the days slip by and get stick in your routine. Smell the fricken flowers, eat fantastic foods, drink the good stuff, and laugh at fart jokes! Be grateful for the day and the people in it.

    Blessings ~ Katie

Today's the day!!!

Wednesday October 28th, 2015

5 years ago if you had told me this day was going to come, I probably would have smiled politely and said "Yes, I know." But, I didn't want to think about it.  Not that I completely doubted, but part of me didn't want to think about it.  That way if it didn't happen, then I wouldn't feel like I lost something that I never really had. BUT, today we have it.  It's here and Ella is officially a SURVIVOR!

    

It's been 3 years since she finished chemo and 5 years since has been cancer free.  We had a small celebration at home tonight and this weekend we will celebrate.  We will be celebrating 2 things this weekend.  Ella has also decided to get Baptized. We are so proud she has decided to make this step in her faith journey. We have so much to celebrate this weekend!

My Girl.

Thank you for following us and sharing in our joys.

Blessings~Katie

Ella Update

Ella started 4th grade this year!  I am super proud of her and how hard she works at school.  She has not suffered any of the neurological setbacks that some kids get from chemo, and I praise God for that everyday. He has shown us grace in so many ways throughout this journey.

Just thought I would share some recent pictures.

September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month.  Go Gold and let others know!  Help us find a cure so no other parent needs to hear the words "Your child has cancer".

Blessings~Katie