Ella is a survivor. I am still learning that this is the new reality. Last week we went to a survivorship meeting and reviewed all the drugs, possible complications and late onset side effects that can happen. So far she has not shown any learning delays, and if I may brag for a minute she is in an advanced math class and working 2 grade levels ahead. She is also reading at the junior high level- stick that in your pipe and suck on it cancer! The only issues she has had are yellowing of the teeth and stomach pain that cannot be explained. We are working on her diet to help with stomach issues and she can whiten her teeth when she gets older. For now she is just excited to be getting braces.
So,
as the mom of a child who is a cancer survivor I keep thinking, what advice can
I give parents who are starting this journey?
1.
I know it is a cliché, but this too will pass. I know it doesn’t
feel like it when you’re in it, but time will pass and life will go on. The
hard part is not thinking about the “what if’s” and just enjoying each day for
what it is.
2.
I’ve said this before, but find God. Seek him to walk this path
with you.
3. Enjoy
each day. Worry about tomorrow- tomorrow. Nobody wants to hear this, I know,
but if you waste this perfectly good day worrying about what might happen
tomorrow, then you have wasted a day with the ones you love. Don’t do this.
This day is a gift of their presence. Soak it in.
4. Enjoy
each day. It is important enough for me to say twice.
5. Make
time for you. You may be a mom, dad, or caretaker, but you are also- you. Take
time to take care of you when you can, and DO NOT feel guilt about it.
One of my favorite examples of this is the air mask. When you are on a
plane, they instruct you to put your air mask on first, and then assist the
people next to you. Why? Because you cannot help them if your
incapacitated.
6.
Get help when you need it. Don’t be stubborn ass; ask your
friends and family for assistance when you need it. They are your friends and
family- that’s why they are there- to help. Now, some won’t and you will lose
friends, but new ones will come. If you need to talk to a professional- go do
it. Who cares what anyone else thinks. Do it for your loved ones so you can be there
for them!
7.
Take the time to morn your losses. I don’t mean death; I mean
the life you thought you or your child would have. Dreams you created for them,
plans you made for your family, and friends that can’t support you. Loss is
more than death. Loss is losing what you thought you had. It’s okay to take
time to be sad about all your losses.
8. Go on
a date. Go with your spouse, significant other, parents or friends.
Just get out of the house and do non-cancer related stuff! This falls under
taking care of yourself, but also the ones that are there to support you.
9. Appreciate
life. We do not know how long we are here for. Don’t just idly let the days
slip by and get stick in your routine. Smell the fricken flowers, eat fantastic
foods, drink the good stuff, and laugh at fart jokes! Be grateful for the day
and the people in it.
Blessings ~
Katie
