I feel like I need clarity. Like I can't just catch a breath. The past month has flown by and in the blink of an eye- Ella is one month off treatment. So I'll just write it out here and get the clarity I need.
The past 30 days have been crazy.
Ella, with a few days left in treatment, was admitted to the hospital with a fever. A few days before Ella finished chemo we put our dog down, because she had cancer in her rear leg. Then Ella completed her last chemo and we celebrated "No More Chemo" with our fantastic support system. A few days later I was off to Haiti on a missions trip, where I would see first hand the things I've only heard about. Those pictures you see on TV where they ask for money and support- they are all truth. Now I have taken those pictures myself and yearn for a way to make a difference. When I came home my son was 2 days into a fever that would last 10. Ella had her port removed and today Josh was finally diagnosed with strep and phenomena in both lungs after 3 doctors visits.
A friend asked me the other day why it seemed like our family couldn't catch a break. I laughed it off, because so many wonderful things have happened in these busy 30 days. My Beautiful Daughter kicked cancers butt! I was lucky enough to enjoy the companionship of a loving and faithful dog for over 10 years and come to a full realization of how much love she actually gave our family. We got to hear Ella laugh from her belly as she celebrated with her friends. I had the rare opportunity to serve and learn and grow from the example of other adults and children who taught me a little more about how our God loves us. I also got to meet the child our family sponsors and hug her and kiss her and tell her she is loved. And because Josh has been sick, I have been able to give him my full attention, coddle him and give him the time that I wasn't always able to give him over the past 2 1/2 years because so much needed to be centered around Ella.
So, in this crazy 30 days I guess I've kept it together- well, most the time. I've cried, I've laughed and I've grown because of all of these experiences we have had. I always find myself praying that God will use me for his will. Somehow, I feel like he has in the past 30 days.
I wish I had a recording of this, but can I just share with you all how awesome it has been to just watch Ella over the past 30 days! She seems happy all the time. She has been dancing more and singing more and just coming out with these crazy little sayings that she cracks herself up with. This is the child that I have missed over the 794 days of treatment she had and I am so excited to see how she continues to change!
Tuesday she will have her first non-treatment check-up to see how her body is recovering.