Last Clinic Chemo, Tuesday October 17th, 2012

Please forgive the lateness of this post. I have been writing it for days, but this one was tough. I kept re-reading what I was writing and it just made me cry.  So, I took a few days to help put some distance between this day and writing. Thanks for your patience everyone!

She did it.  She had her last chemo at clinic this past Tuesday.  We woke up to a decorated van and drove that thing loaded with people to Ella's last clinic with chemo.  We all wore our "Kick Cancer's Butt" bracelets and took this picture before Ella went into clinic.  Josh even asked to come so he could celebrate too.  It was girls only for the back room where she got accessed.  She kept saying all morning "Liddy Grumpy!"  She calls herself Liddy, which somehow stemmed from Little Ella to just Liddy, and she was mad because she couldn't eat.  She had her final spinal chemo today, and while she was recovering from that she had her final Vincristine drip into her port.

Getting Ready for the Spinal Chemo#1

Chemo#2

Everyone was really happy for her and when she was all done the nurses gave a grumpy Ella a big hug.

Ella's Nurse hug- Ella, Annette, Sue and Megan in the back.

I love these 3 ladies, but one of them was missing and she is Ella's favorite nurse- Mrs. Theresa. This was the first nurse to access Ella so she became the one Ella always requested.  When we first met Theresa, it was our first day of clinic.  It was a Friday and Ella and I were the only patients. I spent some time talking with Theresa and getting some perspective of what this journey was like from a more experienced prospective.  Through the knowledgeable eyes of someone who has walked this journey and seen the joy and the pain.

Mrs. Annette, she has this laugh that you can hear all through the back clinic room.  This is the room where the chemo is dispersed. Listening to her and the other nurses laugh at the little things makes you forget why you are there.  She always calls Ella "Princess Ella!"

Mrs. Sue.  She has such a heart.  When I first met her, I overheard her talking to another patient about his game that she went to see.  I think it was hockey.  The cool part was that she went on her own personal time to take part in this child's life.  I'm grateful for the skill and care they have taken with my daughter over the past 794 days.

Build A Bear

So we are done with clinic chemo and days away from finishing chemo at home.  Now what?  I knew how to be the mom of 2 happy kids.  Then, I learned how to be the mom of a cancer kid.  Now, I  have to figure out how to be the mom of a kid who had cancer and pray that I never have to learn to be the mom of the kid who has cancer again. There are so many unknowns about the next 5 years.  Ella will continue to go to clinic monthly for now to make sure she hasn't relapsed.  The next 2 years hold the biggest percentage of chance she will relapse, but they monitor her for the next 5.  I think 5 years is the magic number for most cancer patients. Steve and I spent most of Tuesday night with a glass of wine and lots of tears (okay I was the teary one!) trying to wrap our brains around what the next year will look like for us.

 I don't know what kind of mom I will need to be, but I do know that I will be the best mom that I know how to be.  I will do my best to learn from others that are a shining example of love to their kids. I will apologize when I make a mistake and ask their forgiveness.  I will remember that I am their mother and not their friend and sometimes that isn't fun.  I will remember to share God's love with them.  I will remember that everyday they are watching how I treat my family, friends and strangers and learning from my actions.  I will remember to tell them they are strong,  beautiful and worthy of great love.  I will remember that I can't control their lives, but only lovingly guide them towards a positive direction.  When I feel like I've lost control and can't do this, I will try to remember that God made me Josh and Ella's mom for a reason, and he doesn't make mistakes.  I couldn't be prouder of Ella and Josh and the love they have for each other and the strength of our entire family through this journey.
My cup runneth over.

I will post pics of Ella's last day of chemo party next week.  I'm sure I'll be crying through that post too, so bear with me!

Much Love.
Blessings~Katie