I think that is how you would best describe how I am feeling today, although Ella's doctors might tell you that is how they would describe me for the past 2 weeks. Ella's CT Scan came back clean, which I am grateful for but also just wished we had some answers as to why she is having back pain and leg "wooblies" as she calls them. They were not able to get a closer date for Ella's MRI, despite Dr. S's best efforts. So now we have to wait another entire week for the MRI. In the meantime yesterday Ella started having pain in her right leg. She didn't have a fever, so we gave her some Tylonol and she went to school. When she got home she said it hurt all day and stayed on the couch most the night. She woke up in the middle of the night because it was painful and by morning she wouldn't walk on it.
This time I had Daddy call the doctor. I knew they were tired of hearing my voice. They had us bring her in and Daddy came with for moral support. He knows I am at the end of my rope. I have the worse stress headache right now and I know I won't be going to sleep anytime soon so I'm sure it will be hanging on to it for a bit. They checked her legs and muscle strength. This time she cried pretty hard when her doctor manipulated the leg to check for pain. I knew he had to do it, but it took every bone in my body to not knock him out of the way once she started crying. They sent her for X-Rays and they took 6 X-Rays of her hip and leg. Ella brought her sleeping mask in for the X-Ray and she laid really still while the technician took the pictures. Now, we just wait for results. They are checking for loss of bone density due to chemo and heavy steroid use. The doc also mentioned "masses" and gave me a fricken heart attack, but he said it isn't likely. Oh God, please don't let it be likely!!!
I'll update when I know more.