Originally, I wanted my very next post, to be our last. Ella will officially be out of treatment for one year on October 28th! She moves to bi-monthly appointments and her counts are back to normal. All blessings. All good things. She is a happy, smart, sweet girl and I could not be prouder of her or Josh.
But, this may not be my last post. You all know I am a sharer....is that even a word?
A few days ago I started having sharp abdominal pains on my left side. I went to urgent care one night because they were so sharp they were taking my breath away. They did a pretty through exam and concluded that I must have diverticulitis. It was explained to me as a soft spot in my colon wall where food must have gotten lodged and now there is an infection. He gave me some antibiotics and pain medication and I was ordered to see my GP the next day and to get a CT scan. So, bright and early I went to my doctor, who agreed with the Urgent Care Physician's diagnosis and I was sent for a CT scan. Meanwhile the antibiotics they gave me were making me nauseous and I was not able to keep anything- even liquids down. Also, the YUMMY 2 bottles of contrast they have you drink for the CT Scan did not help that.
On Thursday morning I called my doctor to get the CT Scan results and tell him I was not able to keep fluids down. I suspected the antibiotics as the culprit. At first, the nurse said he did not have my CT results yet, then I told her I couldn't drink/eat and she put me on hold. My doctor came back on to let me know he did not have the full copy of the test, but the radiologist had called him and told him there was about a 1 inch mass in my colon. He said not to worry about taking the antibiotics, and he would call me later in the day with the full radiologists report. This was at 10am, it is now 3:30pm. That has given me over 5 hours to sit and contemplate what I will do if I have colon cancer.
So now it is Friday night. I have spoken to my doctor and I have been referred to a surgeon to have a biopsy of the mass in my colon. Mass seems like a big word for a less than 1 inch bump, so lets go with the lesser word they used- Nodule. Okay Nodule doesn't seem right either- bulge, swelling, wad, okay lets just go with bump. Along with this "Bump", I have a bunch more bumps in my "girl parts" that I have to go to my OB to have an ultra sound done. So, Monday I meet with the Surgeon and Tuesday with the OB.
So, I've been through this before. If you have followed our story, you know that one of my best friends was diagnosed with Colon Cancer at age 38. We walked down this road with her a year before Ella was diagnosed, so all of these terms and all of these procedures are way to familiar to me. I know how this goes, I know what comes next. This is not my first trip to the rodeo.
But, I'm okay. I'm not FrEaKiNg out- Yet. My mind is pretty clear. I know it will be a "wait and see" for the next week or so and I can't change that. I'm okay because my friends don't suck (I have a great support team), and God's got my back.
"He has the wheel". This is a quote from my friend Leo who passed a few months ago from stage 4 Colon Cancer that spread through his body. I went to see him before he passed and he told me he was fine with whatever happened because "God has the wheel", and he was right. I remember looking at him smiling at me and hoping I could handle something that big just like he was. I know it's not the same- I have No intention of being driven anywhere far right now, but it does help me to have a positive outlook. Well, at least for today.
So, Sunday we are going to go Celebrate Ella. Her strength, her joy, her strong will and her life. I am so excited to see the joy in her face as she gets to go on roller coasters and enjoy her first time at Six Flags. I don't have to worry about anyone coughing around her or too many germs on everything. I just get to look at my girl and smile because she is still here.
We will keep you posted.