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Thursday, July 19, 2012

Thursday July 19th, 2012

Since Josh was a baby whenever he would crawl and now walk away from me, I always pictures him getting older.  Like being in Junior High, then High School and maybe married.  I always pictured him older and walking towards me.  Today Ella was walking away from me- holding her zebra stripped umbrella and going for a walk.  I realized that I hadn't had these same mental images about Ella.  I think it's more that I haven't let myself.  Too afraid that it might not happen.
Okay, having a bit of doubt today, but it is really hard to be positive every single day.  Please don't misunderstand, I know there are so many "Ups" to this journey, but sometimes I just need a down day. A day where I don't have to reassure someone that she is doing 'Fine" and where I can just be sad that my daughter and my family have to deal with cancer.

Only 100days of chemo left.



  1. Katie, I am hugging YOU today. Not just Ella. Mama to mama. Heart to heart. You are an amazing mama.

  2. 100 days to go!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) I'll be counting down with you! I'm so proud of Ella and everything she has done! Of course I'm proud of your whole family and all the love and support you have given Ella and everyone around! Looking forward to seeing you in the red kiva next year!!!!!!!!! Love, Mrs Kuzynowski

    1. Ella is glad she will be able to see you in the RED Kiva next year. I would expect a hug whenever she see's you!