Since Josh was a baby whenever he would crawl and now walk away from me, I always pictures him getting older. Like being in Junior High, then High School and maybe married. I always pictured him older and walking towards me. Today Ella was walking away from me- holding her zebra stripped umbrella and going for a walk. I realized that I hadn't had these same mental images about Ella. I think it's more that I haven't let myself. Too afraid that it might not happen.
Okay, having a bit of doubt today, but it is really hard to be positive every single day. Please don't misunderstand, I know there are so many "Ups" to this journey, but sometimes I just need a down day. A day where I don't have to reassure someone that she is doing 'Fine" and where I can just be sad that my daughter and my family have to deal with cancer.
Only 100days of chemo left.