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Friday, April 29, 2011

Friday April 29th, 2011

Noah and his dad Will at the Cure Search Walk in October 2010.
Earlier this week, a friend asked me if this happening to Ella has brought me closer to God. I paused for a moment before I answered her. I considered saying "Yes", because I think that is what she expected me to say. I wish the answer was yes. I wish I was strong enough in my faith to say that my walk has grown so much stronger and that I am so filled with faith that it overflows into everything that I do. The truth is that I feel less close. Don't misunderstand,at times I can feel his hands holding my family- my child, but it doesn't leave me feeling closer on days like yesterday.

Yesterday at 5:24pm, Noah Rios lost his battle with cancer. Noah is the first "cancer" child I saw at Loyola. The nurses were transferring us to a room and there was Noah sitting on his bed, door wide open, without a stitch of hair on his head. I remember Steve and I looking at each other and thinking "Okay, this is what we are in for".  I found out later that night that I knew Noah's dad, and he was kind enough to fill me in on what to "expect" as the parent of a cancer child.

I can tell you that I don't think I ever saw this child without a smile on his face. That right there tells me that God is near, but at the same time I couldn't help but kneal down by Ella's bed last night, hold her hand a heave uncontrollable tears quietly out of my body for Will and Becky's loss, and for the possibility that Steve and I could someday be in their position.  What did they say to Noah's 3 brothers? What would we say to Josh? How do you not scream in anger at the world at the top of your lungs when you lose your child? How to you move forward? How then, do you not question God?

It goes without saying that no parent should have to watch their child die. No parent should be asked to administer drugs to their child that they know, can have long term side effects including: pain, loss of muscle, learning disabilities, bed wetting, liver damage, kidney damage, nervous system damage, sterilization, dental issues, heart problems, and immune system issues. No parent should watch their child go through all this, and for Noah- so much more to simply to lose the battle.

Much Love to the Rios family, and many prayers. I can not even imagine what they are feeling or thinking at this time, but I do know that Noah touched many peoples lives both directly and indirectly. That includes this family and everyone that I know that prayed for Noah, and continues to pray for the Rios family.



  1. Thank you for sharing this. I have had a lot of thoughts today after hearing about Noah. Of course, I have never even met him; he goes to Mason's school. I think it shouldn't matter to me, but I am so sad. I have cried several times a mom, as a sister, as a friend and, yes as a Christian who loves God with all my heart. It is confusing to me, it is so sad to think about Noah's parents and what they are going through. What his siblings are going through. My heart aches for these strangers. I am talking to God about this. I am confused by this. There are a lot of emotions I am going through in my own life anyway and this is putting them into perspective. It makes me angry that something like this puts things into perspective. I'll go ahead and say it, it is just not fair! I am praying for these people I don't know. I am praying for Ella, Josh, and you and Steve. I am sorry that you had to see this happen too, Katie.

  2. As a mom who has lost two children, I still can't imagine the pain this family is going through. I lost babies so I didn't get to know them. I've told myself for 32 years that my pain would have been so much worse had I known my daughter. Still, there are days even now that I wonder what it would have been like if I had more than 3 days with her. The circumstances of the loss of my son were much different. I never saw him alive and it was a much more difficult loss. I can tell you 32 years later everything that happened right down to the dates with my daughter but I can only tell you I lost my son in early October of 1994 or 1995.

    Because of my experience, I know that down the road Noah's family will find comfort in remebering the last days they spent with him. One day, sooner than they can imagine right now they will look back at these days and Noah will put smiles on their faces. It sounds like he was strong and kept good spirit to the end and they will gain strength from that memory.

    God Bless Noah and his family.